Remember when mother used to say: watch what you say? She was wrong.
It's much more powerful to watch what you think.
Most of us bombard ourselves with conscious and/or unconscious mental messages everyday that guide our beliefs about what's possible. Then we take the actions that live up to those beliefs.
This is true in every area of life, and it's no less true with regard to being in business for yourself. What are the messages you give yourself about what it will take to succeed?
Here's a list of some of the more destructive self-fulfilling messages that have lead to a lot of counselors and coaches I know going out of business this year:
- I don't have time to market
- I can't narrow down my interests to one ideal client group
- I don't want to limit myself
- It doesn't feel professional
- I don't want to have to sell myself to get clients
- I can't possibly spend money on marketing when I don't have clients
- It's not my style to set goals and track progress
- I'm not comfortable being an aggressive networker
You may have these messages in your head, or others that are keeping you unfocused, scared, unproductive, and stuck. If you aren't working on changing these mental mantras, they will drive you out of business.
What can you do?
Get very clear about what your destructive self-fulfilling messages are. Make a list.
Then choose the one that has the most power for you, the one you're most afraid to change, and imagine what could be different in your business if it magically shifted. Do you like what you imagine?
If so, tackle this as a professional and personal improvement project. Determine what actions are needed to overcome this message -- what risks need to be taken, what resources need to be acquired, what timeline will you set for changing this false belief, and who will help you be accountable for making it happen?
One of the worst ideas -- in my opinion -- that mental health counselors and naturopathic doctors get saddled with in graduate school is the notion of what is or isn't professional looking. I'm not talking about ethics, record keeping, or other business practices. Just the more subjective qualities of professional appearance and personal conduct.
Hidden in this idea that there is some "professional" way to look and be as opposed to some "regular" way to look and be is, I think, a particular ego trip. It's an intention to feel better about ourselves by giving the impression that we are more successful, more competent, more experienced, more wealthy, more something than we actually are.
Or, it's an unconscious defensive posture designed to get past normal insecurities about being self-employed. It's trying to match someone else's level or idea of confidence or success, rather than being comfortable with what's real for us at any given time.
Either way, isn't that type of professional appearance or conduct dishonest? Seems to me it's an attempt to impress prospective clients and colleagues by being something other than what we are. When I was first out of graduate school, I rented a room in an office park suite overlooking a lake, where there was a mix of solopreneur businesses and a busy reception office to serve us all. I thought this would make me look "professional."
It ended up making me feel like a pretender because it didn't fit who I was as a person or a clinician. I moved out when I realized that I was trying to emulate my father the lawyer -- putting priority on what his 1950s vision of "professional" was, rather than developing my own 1990s personal version.
Over the years I've decided for myself that being professional doesn't require having a receptionist, waiting room, or prestigious magazines on expensive coffee tables. It has nothing to do with what car I drive, or whether my address is in the "right" part of town -- although it does require me dressing one notch above the jeans and t-shirt attire of most of my clients. It's not about how much I spend to impress prospective clients or referral sources.
Being professional, for me, means:
- being on time, every time, for every one
- unfailingly doing what I say I will do, and being quick to say what I can't or won't do
- taking nothing personally, not publicly showing discomfort, frustration, or anger when I'm annoyed
- being clear and firm in interpersonal expectations and business policies
- at all times remembering that my mission is to be of service, and to give a little more service than is anticipated
- serving the clients best interests at all times, even when others disagree with what those are
- using the common courtesies and normal social manners
- being congruent -- that is, as good a model of what I advise as I can humanly be
What's your personal, confidence-based, ego-less vision of being professional?
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